Let the Past Be the Past

The past 11 years have been quite the adventure…

From the moment I saw my life ending, to walking around the block, and taking my life back, followed by stumbling around lost and confused in a body I didn’t understand…, I will never be able to articulate, in a way anyone else will understand, what the hell has happened in the recent past.

For so long I have held on to the fears, doubts, and insecurities of the past. I’ve watched myself from afar hoping, wishing, dreaming, praying that one day I could accept the man I’ve become and let go of the boy whom I was.

I’ve overcome many (not all) of the immature pieces of my past self which has allowed me to grow into the man I am today, yet there are a few aspects of my past self I have struggled to let go of.

This brings me to today.

As I am continuing to grow into the future, I have been struggling to let go of my past. The fear of, if I let go, who am I?, has tugged at me for years and years. The constant pull into the past while desperately trying to crawl into the future.

I’ve come to the conclusion, the only way to move forward is to let go. With this, I have removed my books, my podcasts, my website, and soon my personal writings, along with changing my contact information and moving into a new physical location.

I plan to disappear to a quiet life far away from the desperate and ignorant attempts to become someone I’m not.

I do wish I would have learned these lessons sooner, yet as I move into my 40th year on this great big planet we call earth, I find now as good a time as any to allow myself to drift toward the life’s adventure I want to create and live.

I guess this is a fond farewell for some, a polite goodbye to others, and possibly, most likely a message to myself to ease my own heart and mind that everything is going to be okay when things change and I no longer have the public forums in which to seek validation.

As we all move forward on our individual paths, I want to encourage you, thank you, and wish you all the best in your future endeavors. For all of you who have listened and cared and encouraged me along the way, I am forever grateful for you. I would have never become the man I am without knowing you.

I’m sending you my biggest hugs and brightest smiles…, with all my heart, I wish you all you could ever dream of, and more.

~Gary

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A poem for the road…

Strip yourself down and stand naked in a barren forest of solitude. Stare straight ahead and find solice in the mind you hear and the body you see and emotions you feel with no mirror or reflection from the outside world.

It is here you are free from the prison of cultural norms and societal expectations.

It is here you are who you are in the moment of truth.

What do you hear in your mind?

What do you feel in your heart?

What do you see with your eyes?

It is here and only here that we can find the truth of where we stand with ourself and within ourself.

It is here we find the hardest lesson of all and release the greatest strength from within.

Here we find ourselves in the moment of true uncluttered personal understanding.

Go.

Stand.

Find the edge of the prison of your past and breakthrough into your future filled with clarity and freedom.