Remember when you had to pick up the phone to call someone? And if they weren’t there it was ok because you simply left a message and they called back when they could give you the proper attention.
When was the last time you wrote a note or a letter to someone you loved and cared about?
What was the last real conversation you had about the depths of what someone does, or who they are, or how they think?
Where has the ability to communicate and connect with real life humans gone?
Here is maybe a more simple question…
When was the last time you received a text message or a social media comment?
What did that feel like?
Why did you feel this way?
How did you expect to feel?
Do you ever get the impression you have become an Attention Transaction Machine?
I have been working to build my business for many years now and there are a few themes that keep being tossed at me… specifically the use of social media…
“You gotta play the game if you want to go anywhere.”
“Just start giving people likes and comments and they will start to notice you.”
“You can’t talk to real people in this environment… everyone is scared.”
“There is no way you’ll be successful if you don’t use social media.”
“Your idea of talking to real people is impossible- you can’t grow fast enough.”
These are a few of the most common pieces of ‘advice’ people give me… and I find one common theme.
They are all built around feeding the Attention Transaction Machine…
There is very little value in automation. The short term comfort of validation can come and go with a shift in an algorithm.
Connection between people often gets lost in translation between what is said and what is meant and what is interpretated.
All humans want love and attention communicated in a way they understand.
People want to be seen, heard, and affirmed.
Learn to give people your full focused attention (seen), listen to understand without the need to respond (heard), and leave a profit by finding out how you can support them (affirmed).
Following this simple process has given me the unique opportunity to communicate and connect with people on a level most don’t even know exists. The search for real connection is often longed for yet rarely found… in the toughest men and the most quiet women from across the world…
Learn to step out of the box you’re in and hold out your hand to start a real conversation with a stranger to find the step past the Attention Transaction Machine we have been conditioned to stare at over and over again.
On my adventure, I recently had an intentional conversation with a stranger I met on the beach in South Carolina. She asked my what I was doing drawing picture in the sand…
I explained to her I was only expressing my thoughts on the canvas I had in front of me and inspiration just happened to strike then. She smiled and within the next 90 seconds, I knew her entire life story.
She struggles with depression and anxiety, over eating and being under appreciated. Based on our conversation, she hasn’t truly been seen or heard in quite some time.
As our interaction came to a close, I wanted to leave her with a way to crowd out her undesirable feelings and add in feelings that are more beneficial to the life she wants to live.
I let her know what I was about to teach her can be repeated as many times a day, for the rest of her life, and it will cost her absolutely nothing accept the ability to become aware of the mental state she is in and then to remember to STOP and take a breath.
She agreed.
Here we go.
We started by taking a few calm cool breaths… as she began to relax, I had her close her eyes. I asked how she felt and within seconds, had already begun to release the tension in her heart and mind.
I had her take a few more breaths. As we started to breathe deeper and deeper, I asked her to breathe in the Sunshine and exhale the Darkness.
After her first deeper breath in with a new mindset, she immediately relaxed her shoulders and softened her gaze as a smile began to show on her face.
We took a few more breaths, a little deeper inside as I coached her through releasing the weight on her shoulders and clearing the clutter in her mind. With each word spoken and each breath taken she stood taller and brighter.
Here we go I spoke as we get rid of anything else left inside…
We will take three big deep breaths and on the fourth I will command you to briskly exhale all the negativity you hold…. deep breath in… deep breath out…
Again…
One more…
Now HUGE breath IN….
Giant sigh of relief OUT… LET IT ALL GO…..
PHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFF………
Now open your eyes.
As she smiled at me, I asked her…
“How do you feel now?”
She didn’t even need to say anything, I could see everything inside of her was different because everything she projected on the outside was calm and weightless.
She simply smiled at me.
I smiled at her.
I let her know she can go back to this exact mental and emotional state at anytime… no matter what is happening inside or out, just remember to do these simple things…
STOP…
Close your eyes…
Take a deep breath IN as you think about the Sunshine…HUGE deep sigh of relief as you let go of all the weight of your darkness in that moment…Open your eyes and accept your new mindset and physical state.
Continue moving forward with your shoulders back, chin up, and your beautiful smile.
She smiled and gave me a big hug as we parted ways not likely to ever see one another again.
She was on Cloud 9.
I was full of Joy.
No text message or social media response would ever touch the tip of fulfillment we received in that moment…
We didn’t need validation… just some good old fashion positive attention.
If love was our only currency, how wealthy would you be?
garystotler.com 